just shit.....

i dont know if any body checks or reads or even cares about this anymore but i needed a place to vent tonight and this is the only thing i have to vent with.

i dont know whats wrong with me, i have tried to calm down in the past few years and for the most part i thought that i had. but i have noticed in the past little while that i have started to blow up over little things.

that is not what i want to be, i dont want to be an angry person but maybe its just something that i am and its unavoidable. i also havent had a girlfriend in a very long time and am starting to think that its not because i havent met someone but more that i am just not the type of person who is allowed to have that kind of happiness. i see couples that are happy and having a good time and it hurts me because i want to have that, more than anything i just want love.

i have been living in vernon and i am just not happy here, the job is really not worth all the trouble for the money and where i am.

i just want happiness and i do not know where to find it or where to start looking.

if anybody has read this thanks for reading, i dont want sympathy.......

wtf!?!

i am so stoned.....

fucking awesome!

update

i figured maybe its time to update or something havent done this in a while though.

things are going pretty good been kept busy these past months by working in the film industry as a grip down in vancouver and most recently jumped across the water to vancouver. money is good and the time off can be good because the money is good...lol. hopefully things will continue to be prosperous in this.

going to be moving out, finally seems like it has been forever since i actually tried to move out the first time. various things and miscommunications stood in the way but all in all i think it has been almost a year maybe a year and a half before this has come to being.

its a pretty sweet deal of a place. its a 3 bedroom rancher style house with a 2 car garage, sun room, and its like a 5 min walk from the beach and there is a park off of the backyard through a gate. there will be many bbqs so i expect anybody who might still look in on this to attend. although facebook will let you know! it is in parksville though, but still no excuse....haha.... anyways if anybody is out there tak'er easy

"...the stars predict that tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep"

- weird al yankovic

want

i want to move out on my own

i want to make more money

i want to find somebody i care about

i want them to care about me

i want to be better friends with martha again, i have really missed her a lot

i want to re-connect with a few more people actually

i want to go out and do stuff more, not just hang out at a house all the time

i want a dog 

i want a truck

i want a motorcycle

i want, i want.... ultimately i dont know after this but for the first time in over a year i dont have a black cloud hanging over top of my head... its still kinda grey but i can see the sunshine poking through. i didnt fully realize how much stress i had let accumulate.

How much it hurt to have to make the choice to avoid certain social situations.... but thats kinda over... and i have a smile on my face :)

macbeth

to everyone who is about to do the bards work. and one of my favourites. break a leg tonite. sadly i cannot be there, but i am going to come and i will be thinking good thoughts around 8pm tonite.

have a good one kids:)

the bear

as many of you are probably aware i hit a goddamn bear with my car..... it goes like this

driving home from nanaimo in my car, my bro is in the passenger seat...its about midnight...very dark. i get about 400m away from my house and this fucking bear runs onto the road...he was running along the side of the road...i didnt see him, fucker is black as night. so i ram into his ass going about 60km....he was already moving so the damage to my car was actually minimal..cause they can run fast....i actually bumped into him 2x before he ran off into the woods...the on coming car that had to stop got a good show. so me and my bro venture back to where we hit him...and the damn thing was moaning into the night.... but he didnt die.....bastard is still alive!

i would never recommend hitting a bear.... at least my car has battle scars....lol